Another memorable day out.......

Played golf on Saturday at Parque da Floresta Golf resort in the Western Algarve, the one that reckons it’s a 5 star resort.

A sensible tee off time at 10:30, even though I was missing the rugby, although it didn't matter too much as we (England)were getting stuffed and it looked as though we were on our way home.We paid our fees at the golf reception and were allocated buggy number 48 which we soon found outt had little or no brakes. I have played this course many times previously but today the course seemed in very poor order.
A number of the tees were as flat as a hog's back and to make matters worse, the second tee was placed on the far left hand side behind a row of trees only 20 metres in front which was then forcing you to aim right towards the "Out of Bounds".
Some greens had large areas that were balder than my head, which is quite bald, especially when I have just had a number zero cut with the hairdressing shears and the holes on the greens looking as if they had been cut with a baked bean can.
From my previous experience at Parque da Floresta I already knew that buggies must be kept to the paths at all times, that is of course unless the buggy paths had crumbled away and then you had to follow the deep furrowed tracks that were left in their place.

Finally we reached the 18th tee, we were greeted by the dulcet cries and moans, groans and frivolity coming from the golfers who had already finished their round and who cared little less about anyone else still playing on the golf course as they enjoyed their après golf at the 19^th hole some 400 metres away.

The cost of this memorable experience was an earth shattering €130 for 2 including buggy, which I am assured is a better deal than paying the full price less my 40% discount for being a Vigia property owner.



Played golf on Monday at the Amendoeira Golf Resort near Portimao on the Algarve in Portugal.

It was a bit of an early start as we were teeing off at 8:40am which is round about the time I am usually taking her highness’s morning tea whilst she is still in bed.
There are two 18 hole golf course at Amendoeira one designed by Christie O’Connor and the other by Sir Nick Faldo, we were playing the Faldo course which I had not experienced previously.
As some of us were not used to being up and around at that time of day, we were a little late and we didn’t have time to take advantage of the complimentary basket of balls at the driving range like all good pro’s do before doing battle.
No matter, we were greeted at the reception by a member of staff who took the golf clubs from the car and ferried them to our allocated buggy while we did our bits and had coffee. When we arrived at the buggy park some little time later the clubs were ready on our buggy along with the complimentary water nicely chilled in the cooler box, scorecard and pencil and a few wooden tee pegs.
We were escorted to the first tee by the starter who explained that the buggies were allowed anywhere on the course except for the par three holes when they should be kept to the buggy paths, he saw my first ball enter the trees and said, enjoy your day and he was off to collect the next party.
The course was in excellent condition even though a number of the bunkers were as large as Omaha, Juno & Sword. The greens were true, holes cut sharp with little trace of the previous days hole which are often left proud of the rest of the playing surface. The standard of golf was something else and best not being remembered as part of this otherwise memeberable experience.

As we finished and returned our buggy, a nice young lady came forward with a clean fresh ice cool towel for us to freshen up with and while we did so, she promptly set about cleaning our clubs before returning them to the car park ready to be returned safely to the car.
It was a shame to close the day without refreshment so we took in the ambiance and enjoyed some refreshments of the Amendoeira Spike Bar, which was more like Simon Cowell’s Caribbean sun terrace. We were spoilt for choice as we entered the terrace which was set with comfortable settee’s and easy chairs and elegant rattan glass top tables and upright chairs without any trace of broken legs, shielded from the heat of the sun by some of the largest sturdy sunshades you have ever seen .

As we sat down, my attention was drawn to this little gizmo on the table top, which had 4 buttons on it. The first button had an engraving of a waiter and was asking to be pressed, so I did and along came Luisa who took our order for drinks. I love a good gadget, I’m thinking of getting one of these when I need the channel on the TV changing and can’t find the remote, press the button and along comes my dearest at my command to change the channel, yeah right.

Oh yes, I’m losing the plot, another memorable experience, and the cost of this truly remarkable day out, €70 for 2 people including the buggy, clean clubs, valet service, fresh cool towels and not forgetting Luisa, on demand……………truly priceless.

Victimisation, surely not

It was a mid-September morning in Portugal and the temperature was a very warm 30 degrees. I left home at around 10:30am on my way to drive to the UK all on my lonesome, with nobody with me.

My chosen route was along the soon to be "toll road A22", mentioned many times on my blog, via Seville, going up through Spain to Salamanca, Valladolid, across the border into France, catching the ferry at St. Malo to the UK.
By the time I reached Seville at around 1pm, the temperature had risen to a blistering 35 degrees, thank goodness for air conditioning.

As is usual in Seville, the traffic is always heavy and today was no exception. I had successfully negotiated the first half a dozen lane changes before coming to a complete standstill as a number of lanes were converging on each other.
As each car was nose-to-tail, we all inched forward waiting for our turn and a clear break in the traffic to join our respective lanes on the next highway.
Unfortunately, the sign showing my next destination was on the far side of four lines of traffic, which meant that I had to cross a number of lanes to get in position.

When my time came and at no more than 10kph I eased across to my chosen lane, which I had only been in a few seconds, when all hell broke loose and some irate Spaniard was letting rip with the horn. I looked around knowing that I hadn't cut anyone up so it couldn't be me but could see nothing.
Suddenly, a police car appeared alongside, honking away and gesticulating at me. Thinking that I had maybe left an indicator on or had hooked up a dozy Spaniard on the rear bumper, I checked around but I could find nothing wrong.
El Cid, then wound his window down and was pointing furiously in my direction and I got the idea that he wasn't best pleased. He continued waving his arms around as if throwing a fit and I soon realised that he wanted me to pull over, which left me with a bit of a puzzle as traffic was coming in all directions by now whizzing past me at around 90 kph.

Then, as soon as the red, blue and amber disco lights started on the battle taxi roof, I got the idea that I should follow him. This turned out to be only a short journey as he with total disregard for all other traffic, pulled all other lanes and also across me coming to a sharp stop on the right hand side of the road. Fortunately I had ABS, so that I didn't end up with an angry Spanish bear mounted on my bonnet.
At this point the fuzz mobile was half in a lane and half in the gutter as there was no hard shoulder and we were both by now stationary(please note, stationary is when not moving and stationery as in envelopes, trust me I should know having sold millions of the dammed things and corrected many confused people in my previous life) on a blind corner.

The passenger cop opened his door like Dano on a drug's bust and made his way towards me.
He then realised that he was not fully dressed and returned to open the rear door of the police car to retrieve his hat from a plastic Carrefour carrier bag on the rear seat.
Now being fully attired, I realised that I must be in trouble, but what for I still had absolutely no idea, the tummy muscles wasn't even wobbling, I was convinced that I had done nothing wrong.

Looking splendid in his kinky calf length black boots, unhappy cop he made his way over to me and jabbered on for around 20 or so seconds in his native language, knowing full well that I was driving a British registered car.
When he had finished, I threw my arms aloft stating the famous no comprehendé, at which point he stormed off to speak to his buddy who was still sitting behind the wheel of the police car, seemingly uninterested.
Jackboot 2 then emerged from the police car dodging traffic and came along to join the party. He could manage some English and told me that I had broken a traffic rule.
Apparently, as I was feeding into the traffic at 5 - 10 kph, I fed in too soon, and crossed a continuous white line 25 metres before the allegedly continuous white line became a broken white line when is was then OK for me to cross it and join the rest of the traffic.
I told him that I couldn't even see a white line of any shape or size, as all the cars were bumper-to-bumper and all I was concerned with was being in an unfamiliar place, my attention was drawn to the road sign on the opposite side of the road, which was the next point of call on my journey whilst waiting for a break in the traffic.
After a little more chat he then told me that Jackboot 1, was going to issue me with a traffic violation ticket and that I had to pay a fine of €200, or if I pay now, I can take advantage of today's special offer and only pay €100.
I asked him what would happen if I didn't have €100 with me, to which he explained that they would escort me to a bank so that I could get the required amount to pay the fine, or I could choose to go on my way and pay €200 when they caught up with me.
Feeling as if I was left with little or no choice, I found the cash and paid up.

This isn't a picture of either of the cops that stopped me( I had to Google for one), as both of them left sharply after I had paid the fine as they were already late for their personality therapy sessions.

Would they have pulled over a Spanish motorist in the same conditions, I really do not think that they would, miserable b_st____s.